The Art of the Ceremony

The Art of the Ceremony
By Rabbi Barry Tuchman
Appeared in the Late Fall Issue of Wed Magazine 2002

Your wedding officiant should have many ways to create an artful and creative ceremony that is as unique as are the two of you. When you are interviewing clergy in order to decide if that individual fits your belief structure and personalities, look for some of these hidden, subtle ways an officiant can help create the ceremony of your dreams.

A few years ago, I stood before 120 people at a beautiful hotel on the beach. The golden sun was about to set and all was going according to plan. I was not aware that the next 30 seconds were about to change me and the way I would conduct wedding ceremonies for the rest of my life.

The bride began her descent of two steps before approaching a beautiful rose peddle covered isle. As she was placing her foot on the last step, the young bride caught the hem of her gown with her shoe. Instantly the scene shifted. While the bride began to fall forward, her father caught her with a dramatic flourish. In a single moment in time, 120 people did one amazing thing! They all gasped for breath!

As an observer, I noticed that it was at that very moment, the entire audience was focused on the bride. I thought how that just 30 minutes earlier, there were about 60 cars coming from all parts the city. Some coming from the airport and getting lost, others with kids in the back seat quarreling, still others running late, while just only a few knew where to go and arrived early. As cars were parked and all the guests took their seats, I realized that all these people were in as many mental mindsets as there were chairs, each in their own world, taking their seats and waiting for the ceremony to conclude so the party could begin. But it was at the moment that the bride began to fall, that every eye was riveted on her and everyone’s attention left the preceding moments in their own personal lives. Needless to say, my first remarks were directed to the magnificent save of the Father. Everyone let out an uncomfortable laugh and was mentally present for the entire ceremony.

To be able to creatively exploit surprising moments as this, and find a way to harness the energy of that moment is a rare trait among most wedding officiants. Those of us in this specialize ministry must be able to handle the unexpected and is one way to Get the Guest’s Attention and Keep it where it needs to be!

Another great tool that I use to keep everyone’s attention on the couple is with the use of humor. I know that when everyone is laughing, all attention is where the humor is directed. During your interview with the clergy, see if they are asking questions regarding funny aspects of your individuality that all the guests will know and relate to. If you stop and think about it, a wedding ceremony is all about making connections. A funny and insightful antidote regarding bride or groom will do wonders in regard to your guests paying attention to the moment.

One more important tool of focus that I use, is within the homily or short message from the officiant. If the message does not match the belief of bride and groom, the clergy will loose your guests attention for sure. This is why when you meet with the prospective clergy make sure that he or she is fitting into your agenda and not the contrary.

It is my desire to assist you in your choices of rabbi and or minister. If the two of you have decided that I am not the right fit for your need, please ask and I am happy to referr you to the clergy who is right for you.